MORE SEXUAL HARASSEMENT

‘If I or she should chance to be involved in this affair.’…..

DEAR READER,

Gosh! It has gone awfully quiet on the Fraud Investigation and I sincerely hope that that hugely corrupt Security Manager – Marius Jonker – has not been interfering in the matter. I have no doubt that he, and his criminal Urban Safari Club buddies, are standing by, anxiously, waiting for the first opportunity to bulldoze the matter under the carpet. As you will have noticed Dear Reader, the Jonker creature will drop everything to get involved in criminal activity. He is drawn to it – irresistibly - like a dog to that proverbial pile of doo-doo.

Also alas, there is still no word from the Urban Safari Club’s attorney. Hmm. I bet that he is busy slapping together a huge legal brief that will need at least half a dozen safari porters to carry it down to the court house. After waiting so long and patiently, I hope that we are not to be disappointed in all of this. (Sigh)

Dear Reader, There is a statute in most countries (and in most of the states of the USA as well) in which principals who aid and abet a crime are equally guilty of that crime. This tenet is known as the Law of Vicarious Liability. In a nutshell it holds that if some person, though not participating directly in the crime, is in a position to put a stop to this crime – and does not do so - then he is vicariously liable for the consequences of that criminal action.

With reference to the particular case of the Urban Safari Club, 44 attempted murders and 700 assaults that have taken place at Bell Equipment / John Deere (1997- 2006), the Vicarious Liability statute reads something like this: Anyone who aids abets, instigates, promotes or encourages murder is just as guilty of that murder - if not more so in certain cases than the actual killer.

Well Dear Reader, this is unquestionably one of those “certain cases” and this law most definitely places the Gary Bell chappie and his John Deere partner in crime – the venerable Massa Bob Lane - right in the dock where they belong. The thought of this pair in stripped pyjamas working on a Southern chain gang is quite appealing. Yes Boss!! Anyway, let’s get on with this absolutely bizarre sexual harassment case…….

Dear Reader, Here is a case that recently unfolded at Bell Equipment / John Deere. It has been wreathed in a veil of silence as everyone is keeping very quiet about it. All that is known is that a sexual harassment grievance was lodged against someone and somebody got fired but there is a twist in the tale. Let’s start by bringing the players onto the stage but to protect innocent parties, let us allocate pseudonyms. Hmm … shall we say, Tom, Dick, Harry and Jane? Yes? Okey-dokey. Here we go.

Once upon a time, Tom, a personable fellow, left the Transvaal and came down to the coast to work at Bell Equipment / John Deere. He had had a very unpleasant experience up on the Reef which, quite understandably, had left a rather negative impression on him: He had come home suddenly one day to discover his wife in bed with another man and a rather acrimonious divorce ensued. However, once that matter had been settled he found a nice attractive lady and got married again.

Well things were going along just hunky dory until one day, on the assembly line, Dick the Charge Hand / Team Leader, instructed Tom to work overtime. So far so good, however Dick (a very clever chappie) then made a serious error of judgment by deliberately telling Tom, in front of everyone that he was going to go round and visit Tom’s wife while Tom was at work. Dear Reader, This was a very serious provocation indeed and should give you some indication into the character of this Dick chappie.

Also, in case you are not aware of it, amongst men this kind of talk is not acceptable – and can be extremely dangerous – as the Dick chappie discovered when Tom promptly went after him with a good size whacking spanner (a 42 ring /flat I believe). Clever Dick saw his number coming up fast here and bolted - undoubtedly escaping certain injury - much to the dismay of all those watching.

As a further indication of Clever Dick’s character, he had barely stopped to catch his breath after his sprint, when he went straight in and laid a grievance against Tom – in the hope of getting him dismissed. Nice guy. Anyway Dear Reader, to the best of my knowledge this fizzled away with Tom being reprimanded and Dick getting transferred elsewhere in the factory - or something along those lines. [Tom now exits stage left and he and his family later emigrated to Australia where they are currently living happily ever after].

Dear Reader, A phenomenon in the behaviour of these Clever Dicks is that once on the company premises, they seem to think that, having a modicum of authority (power) they can safely subject other employees to all sorts of insults and antisocial abuse which they would never contemplate doing when off the premises. To test this hypothesis one needs only go into a bar on a Friday after work to see if these Clever Dicks are busy insulting the other guys in the bar. Quad erat demonstrandum.

Anyway Dear Reader, where was I… oh yes, talking about going into bars on a Friday after work… Well, one Friday, a while after this incident, Clever Dick and his good buddy Harry from the tool room, arranged to meet at a pub after work for a couple of beers. In the pub, Clever Dick was on his second beer and Harry had not arrived yet so Clever Dick phoned him on his cell / mobile. Harry assured him that he would be along shortly and told him to have another beer.

This was an admirable suggestion so Clever Dick started on his third beer. Flattening that one - and still no sign of Harry – he phoned him again and Harry, once again, assured him that he was on his way. Eventually after the fourth beer and still no sign of Harry, Clever Dick said the hell with it, and headed for home. Well Dear Reader, as you may have guessed, on arriving home…. Yup, there was Harry and Clever Dick’s wife in bed together.

Well this caused a bit of a stir with much talk of lawyers, suing, co-respondents and so on before it eventually terminated in a divorce. Anyway, when the dust had settled Clever Dick got married again and this time, to play safe, when he went out deep sea fishing on his boat at weekends, he would take his wife with, who, I understand, has become quite an accomplished fisherwoman.

Now we come to the latest business with Jane entering from stage right. Dear Reader, I must tell you that, at first, I did not believe what my spies were telling me as, to me this was a most unlikely liaison. I knew both of the players – or thought that I did – and I just could not credit this liaison - which just goes to show how much I know. Anyway, still disbelieving, I had my spies double check their sources and sure enough, back they came: Yup! It’s a fact! Well ok then, here we go.

Jane worked upstairs and Clever Dick worked downstairs - and I vaguely recall that Jane had quite a feminine desk - adorned with flowers and pictures of her kids etc. Anyway, it would appear that this liaison had been going on for some time and she most certainly was seen on a number of occasions in Clever Dick’s office downstairs. As this could be put down to her job anyway, nobody suspected that anything was going on.

Then all of a sudden, it took a bizarre turn with Clever Dick suddenly putting in a grievance against her for Sexual Harassment. The mind boggles. Dear Reader, Like I said, I had to get my spies to double check their sources as, clearly, not only was I suffering from delusions but I was also hearing my spies voices in my head telling me some pretty amazing stuff. First, there was the liaison – which I had a hard time believing anyway - and 2^nd, Clever Dick had put in a sexual harassment grievance against Jane and now 3rdly, Jane had been dismissed. This had all been done very quietly: Hearing on Friday and then office cleared out by Monday morning - with everyone wondering what had happened to Jane.

Now Dear Reader, I am also an ex-professional soldier and I am having a hard time believing that an ex-infantry drill instructor from 4 SAI had to resort to these measures to end an illicit relationship. This does not make sense: there are other ways to handle sensitive issues like this and there was absolutely no call whatsoever for Clever Dick to embark on this extreme course of action. But there it is Dear Reader, an exceptionally nasty business - I will leave you to figure out what that was all about.

“Dii pedes lanatas habent”. Vengeance may be delayed but it will come when least expected - Petronius I believe - and lest we forget those venerable sages of Arabian and Persian antiquity: Revenge is a dish that is best served cold. Yes indeed, Dear Reader, yes indeed.

Well, onto a lighter note now. You will be thrilled to hear that after having fought tooth and nail to get the courts to throw out racketeering and corruption charges against him - and succeeding - another magnificent specimen has just been sworn in as the president of South Africa. This mind boggling feat was accomplished handily after a hefty two-thirds of the electorate identified a kindred soul and symbiotically voted for him. In this glorious icon, South African society now has an absolutely splendid role model. Dear Reader, Don’t you just love watching this democracy thing in action.

Further, he currently has 3 wives (down from 5) and 19 offspring and has also, in his rape trial of an HIV positive woman, managed to secure an acquittal for himself. This, to the accompaniment of a howling mob of his supporters outside the Court House who, mouths frothing and feet stamping, were screaming: “BURN THE BITCH”. Amazingly, he also propagates the use of a shower after the “deed” to negate the transference of the HIV virus. Medical research establishments worldwide are giving this panacea serious consideration.

On all these charges (had it been me) I would have opted to have my day in court to prove my innocence – and I would most certainly have got the 4^th estate to publish a dozen or so of my polygraphs - but there again Dear Reader, that is just me. Hmm. Isn’t this absolutely wonderful stuff - I just cannot believe that I am actually writing about it.

Anyway Dear Reader, that’s it for this chronicle. I’m off to see how things are getting on with Hubble so until next time then, fare thee well - and do be a little wary when casting those covetous glances at nubile maidens: These be tricky times indeed.

BROCK of the BUSHVELD